Before We Say ‘I Do’

Getting married is one of the most exciting (and expensive) things you’ll ever do - so it’s a good idea to prepare a solid foundation so that the years ahead as a married couple are the best they can be! Why not work through these quick fire questions below and commit to building a great marriage before you say ‘I Do’.

Setting The Tone

We begin setting the tone (meaning: the general mood) of our marriage long before we say ‘I Do’ - it begins the moment your relationship gets serious.

“Don’t wait until you’re married to work on your marriage - start today.”

Both people contribute to the tone of the relationship - what do you bring?


In a similar way to a parent coming home and walking into a room after a long day at work, everyone walks into the room of their relationship every day and sets the tone.

Questions about setting the tone of your relationship before you say ‘I Do’:

Before You Say ‘I Do’….

1 - Set the bar - How FAR we are going?

What are the expectations in the relationship?

Without a goal no-one knows if you ever get there....

Expectations bring transparency and clarity

“You get what you expect.”

2 - Set the pace - How FAST are we going?

What is acceptable.

Sometimes we need to slow down.....

Other times we need to speed up.....

3 - Set the temperature - How much SWEAT will we shed?

Some people are thermometers others are thermostats

Hot, Cold, Luke Warm... you decide!

How much pressure can you handle?

4 - Set the volume - How LOUD will we be?

There is a time to shout

There is a time to hush

James 1:19-20 says “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

What needs to be heard and what doesn’t?

5 - Set the example - How INFLUENTIAL will we be?

What will our lifestyle look like?

Ruth Bell Graham said: “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

Who will be looking and following us? And does it matter?

1 Timothy 4:12 ESV - Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.

Craig  & Amy Groeschel say: “If you do what everybody else does, your odds of a lasting marriage will be about the same as everybody else's: fifty-fifty.

6 - Set the language - How will we SPEAK to one another?

Proverbs 16:24 ESV - Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.

Proverbs 18:21 ESV - Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Fight WITH each other, not AGAINST each other.

7 - Set the win - What will our marriage LOOK like?

Living for one another?

Newsflash - It’s not about you!

Parker-Pope said “Marriage used to be a public institution for the common good, now it is a private arrangement for the satisfaction of the individuals. Marriage used to be about us, but now it is about me.”